Even the longest and happiest of relationships will have their bad times and it is vital to understand this. If you are going through a tough part in your relationship, you should know how to react to your situation and proceed.
I’ll be talking about a couple of the main relationship issues long term couples go through and a possible pathway to getting past them.
Jealousy is a part of the human condition and those who are particularly jealous find it very difficult to disengage. If you or your partner is jealous and it is becoming a problem, it is time to bring up the awkward conversation about what is causing the strife in the relationship.
A lot of people are unaware of how their actions might look to a paranoid or jealous partner. Whilst you shouldn’t be living your life purely to keep someone else from worrying about you, there are often times when you could help your partner out rather than exacerbating the problem. If you or your partner often spends a lot of time with their ex partners or people that are seen to be a threat, try explaining your relationship with them. Most people who are jealous have other problems that can manifest in jealousy. If you know your partner has had traumatizing events in their past that could lead to jealousy, try looking in to therapy as a possible way to fix this type of relationship problem.
At the start of a relationship, you tend to spend a lot of time around your new partner. Obviously, you still have the same amount of time in the day, which makes you lose time that you might have spent on other activities. Whether you don’t spend time with your family, friends or doing other things like hobbies, this can become a problem if it isn’t nipped in the bud. If you stay around your partner and defer to them all the time, you can lose your sense of identity.
This is a common problem in relationship with younger people as they haven’t a concrete routine that they need to follow. To combat this, make sure that you and your partner have some time apart and make sure that you do different things, rather than doing everything together.
In addition to the common reasons why a relationship starts to turn sour, there are many tiny reasons that can add up and become a problem.
If you are a laid back kind of couple, who don’t tend to argue or get angry and tell each other what is going wrong in the relationship, this can undermine the happiness in the relationship and boil up over time.
Even if it seems stupid, tell your partner every little problem that you have. Whilst you might feel like you are being a burden, it can be really helpful and cathartic to release these thoughts from your brain.
You brain isn’t a whiteboard and everything that isn’t resolved starts to provoke a stronger reaction. When you get a tiny bit annoyed about the washing up not being done five hundred times, the original tiny annoyance has overflowed in to a typhoon of anger in your head, yet your partner still doesn’t have a clue.
Almost all relationship problems can be solved by a great communication system and sharing with your partner. A lot of people tell me that they just couldn’t start communicating openly with their partners. Start small, share just little things and this will increase your confidence.
If you really feel like you can’t communicate with your partner, talk things over with friends of family, but don’t heed their advice completely. Whilst they might have their best intentions at heart, they don’t know your problems as well as you do and they are not particularly qualified to give you life altering advice.
The last stand of many relationships is the relationship or marriage counselor. These professionals are often constantly maligned, called fakes and frauds and have a generally bad reputation from those who haven’t ever visited them.
Make up your own mind on this one but sometimes all it takes is someone else’s perception on a matter to find a solution to a problem. Seeing as these people are trained and deal with similar cases on a regular basis, you’d be hard pressed to find a better person to bounce thoughts and opinions from in the context of a relationship.
Whilst a large number of relationships are salvageable, some are not and it is worth getting out of these relationships quickly. Being in a bad relationship can lead to many negative things and finding a way out of the relationship should be your priority. Hopefully it won’t come to this, but be prepared.